Adverts have always been annoying, interrupting televisual masterpieces like Forged In Fire, Murdoch Mysteries and Ibiza Weekender. Recently, for some unknown reason, they have really started to piss me off. Maybe Ive reached that point in my life. The point where “old” people start to argue with characters on screen. I’d prefer to think its because adverts have reached the pinnacle of trash.

Years ago, we had the likes of this from Reebok. I’m not sure whether it won awards, but it definitely should have! Now, we’re stuck with this ostentatious drivel.

I don’t know who George The Poet (writer/performer of this verse) is. I’m in no position to comment on his linguistic powers, but his content is misguided.

Life is a miracle,

Well I think I’ll leave that one up for debate.

Out of all the planets and all the solar systems,
Ours was the one to support our whole existence,

We didn’t pick Earth to be “our one” when the planets began to form. We weren’t sitting around, fingers crossed, hoping Earth would turn into something liveable. It was either Matt Parker or Tim Harford who I heard explaining this kind of thing. It’s a shock when someone we know is that one in 45,057,474 that wins the Lotto jackpot. However its not a shock when someone in the UK wins the jackpot. We exist on Earth because one of the sextillion planets in existence facilitated our evolution.

Ours is abundant in sustenance,

WaterAid estimates 1 in 9 people don’t have clean water close to home. The Food Aid Foundation suggests 795 million people don’t have enough food for a healthy life. Assuming we’d all categorise food and water as sustenance, it appears abundant probably isn’t the right word.

Not too close or far from the sun,
Just enough distance,

The Conservative Habitable Zone is over 54.6 million kilometres wide. Being not “too close or far” seems to allow a lot of wiggle room.

Ours are the lungs that can make use of oxygen,

Oxygen makes up about 20.95% of the Earths atmosphere. So our lungs can’t make use of basically four fifths of the air…

Breath it in and get high on life like an intoxicant,

This is just waffle isn’t it. And getting philosophical Antinatalists, (who actually make a lot of sense) point out that a vast amount of human misery could be avoided if life wasn’t a thing. So we’re supposed to get high on misery?

We’re all interconnected,
Everything that happens, all things are affected,
See we leave our mark in the people we affect,
The memories we make when we speak and we connect,
The feelings we share, the secrets we protect,
The strength and the weakness we project,

Blah, blah, blah, poetry.

Our time here is like a drop in the ocean,

This is my favourite line, mainly because it proves Will Smith > George The Poet!
A big raindrop has a volume of around 0.065millilitres. The smallest ocean, the Arctic Ocean, contains roughly 18.75 quintillion litres of water. When we smash through some math. George must believe one of these bizarre ideas:

  • A large raindrop contains 1.2 quadrillion litres of water
  • The Arctic Ocean holds just under 1 litre of water
  • Homosapiens have been around for less than a second
  • The Earth is 86,530 septillion years old

Will Smith’s morals might not have been on point, but his sums made sense in Give Me Tonite.

Ups downs and a lot of emotion,
But you’re still here to see the morning,
Life’s for the taking,
Breath it all in.

And to add insult to injury, the last three lines don’t even rhyme with anything!

Unfortunately this advert is just 60 seconds of suggestion that the Earth was designed for humans. Some kind of new creationist belief that disregards the process of evolution, and science in general!

Until next time, if my maths is right, and you need some maths doing, hire me?